Yesterday

How do you say goodbye to someone you dearly love? To the only man you’ve ever loved? To a man who doesn’t know the meaning of love? I don’t know; I can’t do it. But I must! I’ll write him a letter. I’ll e-mail him this:

Warren,

This may be the last letter I will send you. I’m sorry, I really love you — there’s nothing I can do… NOTHING! I tried to get myself drunk to have the courage… to be brave enough to tell you that I love you — but you turned me down. I love you — but I don’t want to run around begging for your love…

I feel bitter… I’m in pieces… I need to pick myself up… to put myself together, without you… without any memory of you… I’m leaving for london tonight.

Miah

And send, I did. That night, I took the plane that brought me here. When I was at the airport, i was praying — hoping against hope — that he would stop me. He didn’t. When I was inside the plane, I thought I would die. I didn’t. I was hoping we would crash. we didn’t.

The next thing I knew is that I was walking the wet streets of London, willing myself to forget Warren. I hate him. I hate every inch of him. I hate the man he became. Yet, I love him.

I wanted to forget all about him, but I can’t. Moment after unpredictable moment, day after each frustrating day, month after each lonely month, I was missing him even more. The urge of going back was so strong. And I was weak. After a year, I fell inlove with another guy. Or, I thought I did.

It took me four months to realize why. He was like Warren, so much like him. I didn’t love him, I loved the Warren inside him! I even had the idea that he did it on purpose. I can’t prove that, but I know he did.

“Do you really love me?” He asked while we were watching the sunset by the river bank.

“Next question please,” I joked.

“Hahaha. I’m not joking,” he said seriously. I looked at him.

“I know I love the man I’m looking at,” I said and I was dead serious.

Then, he looked at me and said, “You’re looking but not seeing.”

“I’m not blind!” I said meeting his eyes.

“I hope you’re not.” Then, he walked away.

That very night, I received an e-mail from him. It said:

Miah,

I know it’s hard to be trapped in that dark room of the past. I was once held captive there. i’m not anymore. Because of you.

Since you stepped into that algebra classroom a year ago, I found myself looking at you. I thought you were just like them. But you proved me wrong. You’re different. Under your cold front is a broken heart, one that I never expected to find there.

Every night since last month, I always ask myself why I still don’t feel complete. I have the greatest woman I know by my side, yet everything feels so uncertain. Everytime you look at me, I feel as though you’re not seeing me. I don’t know why, I can’t tell how.

It’s painful when you’re living in the past — difficult and pointless. I hope you can find your way out of that room. I cannot help you, nobody can. You have to help yourself. If you cannot find your way, no one will.

You can never loose what you never had.

Always with love,

Sean

I hated myself. I was so selfish! I only cared for and thought about myself. He was right: Warren was never mine! That night at Warren’s, I thought I lost everything. I didn’t. I never had what I thought I lost. He didn’t try to be Warren; I searched for Warren inside him.

I had Sean and I ignored him. I was looking at him but I was seeing Warren! I thought I was running away from yesterday but I wasn’t moving at all. The moment I saw Warren in Sean, that was the moment yesterday caught up with me. I’m trapped! How do I get out?
When will I see Sean? How? If he can’t help me, if nobody can, how? How, in the name of God’s green earth, will I see him? How do I get out?

The following morning, in class, he left a piece of paper at my desk. It said:

HOW’S YOUR HEART?

I started scribbling FINE, BECAUSE OF YOU. Then, I stopped. I thew the paper away and tore another from my notepad. I wrote:

A LITTLE BROKEN BUT MENDING.

His return note was:

MAY I BE YOUR DOCTOR?

I wrote back:

YOU ALREADY ARE. SINCE THE DAY YOU WALKED INTO MY LIFE.

He wrote:

FRIENDS?
I answered:

NO. I WANT MORE THAN FRIENDS.

I threw it at him. I didn’t look at him this time. In his return note, I found nothing except a little heart. I asked him:

WHY?

His reply was the last thing I expected him to say:

BECAUSE YOU SAW ME WHEN I WAS INVISIBLE.

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Responses

  1. hey! that was really cute! When will you release the continuation for this? I can’t wait! 🙂

    I really like the plot.

  2. I’m glad you liked it, Shirumi. Thanks for reading. 🙂

    I will post Tomorrow soon. I’ve already finished it. I just have to encode it since I wrote on paper. It should be here soon. 😉


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