How do you say goodbye to someone you dearly love? To the only man you’ve ever loved? To a man who doesn’t know the meaning of love? I don’t know; I can’t do it. But I must! I’ll write him a letter. I’ll e-mail him this:


This may be the last letter I will send you. I’m sorry, I really love you — there’s nothing I can do… NOTHING! I tried to get myself drunk to have the courage… to be brave enough to tell you that I love you — but you turned me down. I love you — but I don’t want to run around begging for your love…

I feel bitter… I’m in pieces… I need to pick myself up… to put myself together, without you… without any memory of you… I’m leaving for london tonight.


And send, I did. That night, I took the plane that brought me here. When I was at the airport, i was praying — hoping against hope — that he would stop me. He didn’t. When I was inside the plane, I thought I would die. I didn’t. I was hoping we would crash. we didn’t.

The next thing I knew is that I was walking the wet streets of London, willing myself to forget Warren. I hate him. I hate every inch of him. I hate the man he became. Yet, I love him.

I wanted to forget all about him, but I can’t. Moment after unpredictable moment, day after each frustrating day, month after each lonely month, I was missing him even more. The urge of going back was so strong. And I was weak. After a year, I fell inlove with another guy. Or, I thought I did.

It took me four months to realize why. He was like Warren, so much like him. I didn’t love him, I loved the Warren inside him! I even had the idea that he did it on purpose. I can’t prove that, but I know he did.

“Do you really love me?” He asked while we were watching the sunset by the river bank.

“Next question please,” I joked.

“Hahaha. I’m not joking,” he said seriously. I looked at him.

“I know I love the man I’m looking at,” I said and I was dead serious.

Then, he looked at me and said, “You’re looking but not seeing.”

“I’m not blind!” I said meeting his eyes.

“I hope you’re not.” Then, he walked away.

That very night, I received an e-mail from him. It said:


I know it’s hard to be trapped in that dark room of the past. I was once held captive there. i’m not anymore. Because of you.

Since you stepped into that algebra classroom a year ago, I found myself looking at you. I thought you were just like them. But you proved me wrong. You’re different. Under your cold front is a broken heart, one that I never expected to find there.

Every night since last month, I always ask myself why I still don’t feel complete. I have the greatest woman I know by my side, yet everything feels so uncertain. Everytime you look at me, I feel as though you’re not seeing me. I don’t know why, I can’t tell how.

It’s painful when you’re living in the past — difficult and pointless. I hope you can find your way out of that room. I cannot help you, nobody can. You have to help yourself. If you cannot find your way, no one will.

You can never loose what you never had.

Always with love,


I hated myself. I was so selfish! I only cared for and thought about myself. He was right: Warren was never mine! That night at Warren’s, I thought I lost everything. I didn’t. I never had what I thought I lost. He didn’t try to be Warren; I searched for Warren inside him.

I had Sean and I ignored him. I was looking at him but I was seeing Warren! I thought I was running away from yesterday but I wasn’t moving at all. The moment I saw Warren in Sean, that was the moment yesterday caught up with me. I’m trapped! How do I get out?
When will I see Sean? How? If he can’t help me, if nobody can, how? How, in the name of God’s green earth, will I see him? How do I get out?

The following morning, in class, he left a piece of paper at my desk. It said:


I started scribbling FINE, BECAUSE OF YOU. Then, I stopped. I thew the paper away and tore another from my notepad. I wrote:


His return note was:


I wrote back:


He wrote:

I answered:


I threw it at him. I didn’t look at him this time. In his return note, I found nothing except a little heart. I asked him:


His reply was the last thing I expected him to say:




  1. hey! that was really cute! When will you release the continuation for this? I can’t wait! 🙂

    I really like the plot.

  2. I’m glad you liked it, Shirumi. Thanks for reading. 🙂

    I will post Tomorrow soon. I’ve already finished it. I just have to encode it since I wrote on paper. It should be here soon. 😉

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