Posted by: silent sinner | January 6, 2009

Life Pleasures

When you die God and the angels will hold you accountable for all the pleasures you were allowed in life that you denied yourself.

-Anonymous

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Posted by: silent sinner | January 6, 2009

New Year

Please bear with me as I look back to the year that was.

Last year is probably one of the happiest and the saddest year of my life.

Last year…

I learned the meaning of failure and standing back up to fight once more.

I learned that I’d rather do what I want and be happy rather than what I’m good at being miserable.I also learned that shaping and re-shaping your dreams according to our circumstance is not always the same as following it.

I learned that sometimes, no matter how hard it is, we have to learn to let go of the people we love so that they can move on to a much better place.

I learned that sometimes the only way to make a someone truly happy is to hurt him because even though he might not appreciate it for now someday the pain will be useful to him in finding his happiness.

I learned that in order to fully forgive, one needs to fully forget.

I learned that, when it comes to your dreams, in the face of failure you don’t just give up, you don’t just give in. In fact, you rise back up and out do yourself.

I learned that it is possible to party hard and work harder.

I learned that most mistakes can be corrected and should always be or if can’t be, damage control.

I learned to live life one step at a time, playing it as it lays.

I learned that when we lose something and realize its worth, we can either forget it all together or try to get it back. It’s one or the other.

I learned that some stories just do not end.

I learned that some friendships are for the keeps while others held at arms length.

I learned that the best way to start over is to put the past behind.

Posted by: silent sinner | December 15, 2008

On Death

In the midst of death we often wake up thinking why we have to lose the ones we love and how it hurts to be alive to grieve for our dearly departed. No matter how much we wish the pain away, it doesn’t really go away. We may try to avoid, we may try to ignore. We all grieve in different ways: some of us keeps ourselves busy, there are those who cry it all out, there are those who run away, there are those who try to forget. But at the end of the day, we are here and well and alive — at least we are alive. And it’s almost Christmas. The best we can probably do is to enjoy our time here, to live it and cherish it with the people we still have, with our family because the earth will not stand still while we suffer and we might as well just be counting down the days before another one is taken from us. Our Christmases will never be the same just like it never was after we lost the other people we also loved with all our hearts. But this is life, someday, we will all be washed away to make way for the new. Life is too short to live with the regrets of yesterday and too long to live with worries of tomorrow. This morning, we woke up and we are alive so we better live this day. For ourselves, for our families, for those we love and for those who no longer can.

Posted by: silent sinner | November 26, 2008

On Atrophy

Question: Is it worth living in an atrophying society?

But I guess we have to first ask ourselves, what is living? For me, to live is to pretty much be a being in this world, to be active, to be involved. One should not ask if it is worth living if one is not, at all, living it.

Going back to the question, I think it is worth living. An atrophying society is just a mere illusion of order and stability, wanting to move forward but refusing to take even a single step. In this kind of society, each person is a piece of a puzzle either wanting to fin in the picture or refusing to do so. It is being destroyed not by famine and war but by indifference and neglect. We are now faced with the greatest monsters of history. And that alone is worth living for: to fight the status quo, to rebel against the institution, to break the illusion of order. We have different ways and different means but once we all triumph against the demons of indifference and neglect, I think we will see mankind’s new golden age.

Because to live is to leave a mark, to be missed once gone, to be active and to be engaged. I think the question is not if it is worth living but rather, as in Linkin Park’s Leave Out All The Rest, “What [are we] leaving when [we’re] done here?”

Take the Greek society for example, while they believed in afterlife it doesn’t matter to them and even if they believed in gods and goddesses, they don’t depend on them. I find the Greeks’ Arete (pursuit of honor and excellence) worth living for. For them, immortality is about being remembered, it is about living for the here and now and leaving the future to itself. It is about fighting your best in every battle without dread or regret.

Saying that it is not worth living in an atrophying society is like saying it is not worth wearing your best clothes today because the rain will come tomorrow. The thing is, so what? So that if it is crumbling? So what if it’s degenerating? The best that all of us can do is to live our best today, to do everything today in order to alleviate the situation. There’s nothing we can do about the past and it is pointless worrying about the future. But the here and now is waiting and staring us in the face. Don’t bother yourself with the distant past or a changeable future.

As for me, I will do what needs to be done today. As for tomorrow, I’ll face it head on when the moment comes that I have to. If we look back or too far ahead we miss what is right in front of us. And what is right in front of us is our today. Our present. Our life. To fail to live it is to fail to live. So my answer is, whatever kind of society we have, it is worth living in it. No, it is worth living. [period]

Posted by: silent sinner | November 25, 2008

In Between

Right now, I’m neither here nor there and there’s nothing I can do about it. Six months ago, I was determined to keep my head down low and keep out of trouble. I didn’t. Not because I didn’t want to but because I was never designed so. I was born to stand out and no matter how hard I try I know that it will be difficult to fit in. And I did stood out, I did shine.

I may be in between right now but I know where I’m going and I promise myself that I’m going to get there. It was once forgotten but not lost. And now, I almost have it back. And I’m going to get it back. I’m tired of fitting in, of trying to belong. From now on, I will find my own space, my own identity.

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