Posted by: silent sinner | September 22, 2010

The Business of Breaking Things

“Did you ever wonder what happened to us?” I asked quietly. Without looking at anything in particular, I continued to stare at the vast expanse of the city ahead of me.  I didn’t dare look at her.

“I guess we both loved too much and then we got scared. Our love got too big for us, so we swerved.” She threw the last of the paper planes that we were making earlier. We watched it circle and swerved then plunge into the streets below. “We had something so real and so pure that we got scared of what would happen when we collide,” she added while turning away from the balcony and going back inside her 20th floor apartment.

“We should have. Collided, I mean.”  I followed her inside, shutting the sliding door and the city noise behind me.  “At the speed of light,” I added with a laugh.

She went straight to get the wine we abandoned earlier.

“And then what?”  She asked while handing me my glass. Then she seated herself on the red sofa across me. I remained standing.

I stared at my glass as if hoping it will give me an answer.  That was a good question. What would happen if we did?

“I don’t know,” I began slowly. “Maybe it will kill us both but at least we tried.”

“We did try,” she said simply. She looked at me as if daring me to say otherwise.

“We gave up too soon.” Even to my ears, my words sounded defensive. She shook her head.

“What we had,” she began. “I thought about it every day for a long while and it almost broke me. You gave up and I just had to let go. But it wasn’t that easy. The memories of you became ghosts that haunted me and I knew I had to give up as well.” Her voice sounded calmly defiant, refusing to spill the tears that linger threateningly on her eyes. For some reason, it was more painful than the screams and tears that I remember when I left for Paris years ago.

“You don’t love me anymore.” I dropped my head. It wasn’t a question.

“I never stopped,” she whispered.

I crossed the small distance between us, knelt in front of her and held her hands.

“Can we try again?” Deep down, I was scared that I might hurt her again but I have to know.

She removed her hands from mine and slowly shook her head.

“It’s too late. We used up all our second chances already.” She drank the remaining liquid in her glass then set it down on the table before standing up. “We missed our moment already. The train left long ago.”

She lifted her left hand and I noticed for the first time that she is wearing a beautifully crafted trillium sapphire ring.

“Do you love him?” I asked, sinking into the red sofa.

And with three words, she broke my heart:

“More than anything.”

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